On Parenting: In which i'm sure to offend someone

I hate to brag but I have to admit I have well-behaved kids. It's not just me saying that. I get told this all the time. Nothing makes me more proud as a parent than to pick up my child from a party and hear the mom tell my son or daughter that he or she is welcome back ANY TIME.

My children did not hatch from eggs, or get picked from a cabbage patch. They are the culmination of hard work and constant, consistent parenting from both Craig and myself. There are things we have chosen to do in order to make them well-adjusted, eager, patient, considerate future global citizens.

Did I mention patient?

I stress this one attribute because I find it so lacking in all of American society. From immediate song changes to the constant need to be entertained, I don't think Americans are able to be silent long enough to hear their own thoughts. I am beginning to just believe that Americans don't like themselves so they try to fill every waking moment with things, communications, and entertainment so they don't have to listen to themselves think.

The side effect is that Americans expect to have every waking second filled. They wake up, turn on the TV or radio, check their phone. Spend the day on the computer, talking on their phone, checking text messages and facebook. They talk in the car or listen to the radio. Does anyone drive in silence any more? Watch people in the grocery store. How many people are talking as they shop. The rudest of people talk when they checkout to avoid any interaction with the person standing in front of them. And in the evening they watch TV. Lots of TV.

I admit that I spend most waking moments reading something. Computer or book. But I long ago decided that I really like my thoughts and the crazy places they take me so I often drive in the silence. My house is usually silent. I hate ambient TV noises. Probably because my mother's house always has noise and this is my juvenile rebellion. Who knows?

This is the mother my poor children got. Go. Call you mother and thank her for not being me. I don't mind, really.

When we took the long road to  Key West. We drove. My husband, his parents, our two younger children and me. In a car together for 3 hours. One way. It should have been a nightmare. It was a blast. Don't get me wrong. The kids fought. They argued. They slept. They were kids. They were not mind-numbed machines plugged into a game that kept their whole attention. I hate to tell people, but that isn't parenting. And what really are you teaching your kids anyway? Seriously think about what you are trying to tell your children when you do this. You don't value their thoughts and ideas. You just want them to shut up and frankly not be a part of your life.

Does this mean my children never get to play video games? No. My son has a iPod Touch. We have computers. I have games on my iPhone I let my kids play. But they aren't used to just keep my kids quiet whenever I want them to be little statues.

My husband and I are both horribly impatient people. I didn't want our children to grow up to be like us. So I make them wait for things. They often hear me tell them that "it's good to want things." Meaning if you have everything, what is there to look forward to? I want them to enjoy the anticipation. Enjoy the WAIT as much as the THING.

Which means when I booked us with a FIVE HOUR LAYOVER in Fort Lauderdale after our cruise while we waited for the FIRST LEG of our plane journey to begin, the children were great. My husband however paced like a caged animal snarling things like "Never again" and veiled threats of actually booking a plane ticket himself some day. Empty threats I tell you.

This is what parenting is all about. Preparing your children for their mother's stupidity. It works every time!

Airplane safety of the germaniac kind

I can only post so many times about bed bugs before I can be classified as bugaphobic. But thanks to Yahoo I'm all freaked out over germs on an airplane. As it is I travel with clorox wipes for the remote control and phone in my hotel rooms. Now I think all extra bottles will be filled with anti-bacterial spray and gels.

So now I have a handy to do and don't list that will keep me from looking like an Asian tourist during the SARS heydey. If I could figure a way to travel with an breathing mask comfortably and fashionably I'd do it.

1. Avoid pillows and blankets from the airlines Yeah, been doing this for years. My phobias are not new.

2. Avoid seat-back pockets. This I hadn't thought of before. I tend to put crap there and leave it but every once in a while will store something there. NEVER AGAIN.

3. Use the air vest to block your face. Hah. Take that nasty germs. I'm all defensive on your ass!

4. Avoid sick travellers. The trick for me here is how to do it without a major event. Umm excuse me flight attendant I need a seat away from Typhoid Mary plase!

5. Hydrate. Although I only drink bottled water on planes and in foreign countries because bottled water offends the one tree-hugging gene I have in my body but the thought of the water siting whoever knows how long in those plane tanks offends me more. Also why I never drink plane coffee.

Is it really so much to ask...

that when the luggage comes around the carousel people don't RUSH to stand right in the way of the luggage going by? Can't everyone step back a bit and then move forward when the SEE their bag actually coming. Nothing annoys me more about flying that having to pick up checked luggage. I usually avoid this as much as possible but had to do it coming back from Vegas (3 full sized bottles of free liquor didn't fit in my quart sized bag).

The Rum and Vodka (times two) better be worth it!!